Talking to your children about drugs and alcohol should not be thought of as a one-time sit-down talk but as an ongoing dialogue. The foundation for talking about any difficult topic with your children, be it sex, AIDS, or drugs is best laid early. Try to develop a good relationship where you know your child through being with them. Effective listening and the ability to communicate understanding are the responsibility of the parent and can be learned. A good book for this is: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

Research in the misuse of alcohol and drugs point to certain factors in families that help to protect children or put them at risk. I find several of the protective factors and two of the risk factors particularly helpful to consider. Two factors that may protect children from involvement with drugs are 1) developing a close bond with your child and 2) spending quality time. We cannot underestimate the amount of time that is needed to be present to our children. This requires that parents prioritize and even sacrifice other valuable things to be with their children.

Another protective factor is using a parenting style high in warmth and low in criticism; a balanced approach that is neither too authoritarian nor too permissive. This foundation should be established early. If you currently need to talk with your children, you will want to assess what parts of the foundation are strong and what parts are weak. If, for example, you have tended toward being too authoritarian, there is a good chance that "talking" will be received defensively. You may need to work gradually toward a talk about drugs by "practicing" talking with your child about less threatening topics.

If you have erred on the side of being more permissive you may need to think about your own values, expectations and responsibilities before talking to your children. Protective factors that are good for more permissive parents to keep in mind include being protective, having clear expectations and monitoring when necessary.

The two risk factors to keep in mind are a family history of alcoholism and current parental misuse of tobacco, alcohol or other drugs. The one thing that I can say categorically is that if you currently misuse any substance it is essential to become actively involved in your own recovery. For tobacco, it may be enough to show and discuss your genuine effort to quit. If you do not struggle with alcohol or drug misuse yourself, but come from a family where this is a problem you may want to sort out some things by attending a local Adult Children of Alcoholics group or read a book such as Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Parents who have used drugs in the past have the dilemma of deciding if, when, and how to let their children know about it. I suggest using well thought out honesty. Without providing too much detail, use your experience to be sensitive and understanding of the complexities and pressures of the teenage social world. This will give you credibility. But, hold firm to what you've learned and now know as an adult. This provides guidance. Hear them out and don't try too hard to convince them. Stress, instead, that you love them and that you are committed to helping them avoid the potential pain and damage of drug and alcohol misuse.

There are some resources locally that are good to checkout to help you to talk to your children. Each county has a Drug and Alcohol Administration. They provide prevention programs for family groups as well as schools and community groups. Some have a video lending library, educational materials, and research assistance. You can contact the Lancaster County Drug and Alcohol Commission at (717) 299-8023 and they have a directory of similar programs for every county in the state.

The Samaritan Counseling Center offers a prevention workshop for parents and teens called Healthy Conflicts/Healthy Families to area churches. To see about participating in a workshop or having your church host one call (717) 560-9969.

This workshop is made possible, in part, by a grant from the Lancaster County Drug and Alcohol Commission.