Questions I’m frequently asked and also ask myself are, “Why does God allow terrible things to happen? Why does there seem to be divine intervention at some times and not at other times? How can God allow an innocent child to be abused?” I don’t have the answers, but I have some thoughts.

When people say to a person in pain, “This is a test and God knew you could handle it,” I want to say, “Rubbish!” I don’t believe God sends us painful events, but the world is set up so that people have free will and sometimes people, either by choice or by accident, do things that are hurtful to others. There are certain laws of the universe, and, consequently, we have natural disasters.

Elie Wiesel’s story from the concentration camp often comes to mind. Several prisoners were being hung for minor offenses. One was a ten-year-old boy who was being hung for stealing food. Because he was light in weight, it took a long time for him to die. One man said to another as they looked at the boy, “Where is God now?” And the other answered, “He is there hanging with the boy.”

When things don’t go as we planned, we’re pulled kicking and screaming into new beginnings. Sometimes we’re blessed by the support of family and friends who will listen to us. Often we also need a counselor/therapist to listen and ask questions. Creating a story about what happened is very important in order to get clear about how to move on in life. Without this help, traumas can stay frozen inside and continue to traumatize.

Often people tell me that something very painful has forced them to try a new and better way of living. They’ve made meaning out of the pain. As a therapist, I feel privileged to accompany people on this sacred journey. Help is available and healing is possible.

Lois Frey Gray, LCSW, is a therapist at the Samaritan Counseling Center.