Once a year, at Thanksgiving, we gather our families around tables laden with food and drink to engage in a civil and religious ritual of gratitude. Whether we are religious or not, this holiday evokes in most of us a profound sense that thanks are due, not only for the food we eat together, but for the blessings of life, liberty and love. On this one day we are asked to pay attention to many such blessings--perhaps naming them out loud before the meal begins-- so that even those of us who are prone to forget are suddenly reminded of all we have been given.

But what about the other 364 days? Too often they pass by without our giving much thought to the continuous blessings we receive far beyond our own efforts and resources. Something deep inside us seems to resist the posture of gratitude until that holiday comes around again or a crisis wakes us up. Several closely related reasons come to mind.

1. As Americans we are steeped in a psychology of self-reliance that has simultaneously been a source of great industriousness and false pride. We are all strongly influenced by a cultural attitude that makes material achievement and success the confirmation of our self-worth. Even those of us who would resist this way of thinking make sure we don't fail its mandate. By contrast, authentic gratitude requires the humility to consider that the very talents that enable us to prosper and thrive represent spiritual gifts we did not create on our own.

2. As a society we have a strong marketplace mentality that tells us that we ought to be able to control our economic destiny. Invest wisely and be prudent, we are told, and all should turn out well. This can lead to the belief that most of what we have is due to our own good judgment. It is very difficult to express gratefulness if deep inside we really believe we have all the power we need to take care of ourselves. True gratitude requires a sense of dependence on something greater than ourselves. For some it is God. For others it is the goodwill and mercy of family and friends. For others it is the simple recognition that-despite our best talents-things could have turned out differently.

3. Unless we are struck by an unexpected misfortune, we can unknowingly live out our lives with a strong sense of entitlement. We fully believe that we deserve to prosper just because of who we are. Life owes us something. This may be why we find such deep gratitude in those who face life-limiting illness or chronic poverty. They tell us quite often that each day is a sheer gift, one that they had always taken for granted. Now they see even the most common details of daily life as little miracles, cherished in a new way.

These powerful cultural influences may block our capacity to be thankful. But we are capable of seeing through them, as well. Deep inside we know that most true blessings that come to us are unbidden and unearned. And when we can see this clearly, we are able to be truly thankful.

Perhaps the most amazing thing about authentic gratitude is how it awakens in us a desire to give back some measure of what we have been given. Gratitude is not just about being thankful, but being generous. Have you noticed that the most grateful people are also the most giving? They seem to know that just as they have depended on the generosity of others, or God, or the "universe," they, too, must be generous in turn. That is how it works: Gratitude generates generosity. We feel a sacred obligation to share what has been shared with us. Once we are able to connect the two-gratitude and generosity-- we join a wide circle of common care and concern that makes true community a reality.