Occasionally clients will make an embarrassed admission to me that goes something like this: "You're going to think I'm crazy, but I actually talk to myself. Is that normal?"

What's behind this assumption that talking to yourself is crazy? Probably because we've all at one time or another heard people doing this out loud and it strikes us as weird or eccentric. Somehow it's been decided that talking out loud to yourself in the presence of others is taboo. And thus, those who persist in doing it are schizophrenic or mentally ill. Also, the content of that which we overhear often doesn't make logical sense, adding weight to the belief that self-talk is evidence of being crazy.

But, in fact, these inner conversations with ourselves are not only normal, they're automatic, a kind of running commentary or diary in response to our daily life experience. We see this reflected in expressions such as, "I gave myself a good talking to."

Most of the time we don't tune in to these inner conversations. They go on just below the surface of conscious awareness. But, stop and think about the way we talk to and with ourselves. We constantly comment on or evaluate our performance, instruct ourselves as we go through a task or weigh the pros and cons of a certain course of action.

Now the real point of all of this is that after overcoming the block that self-talk is abnormal, we can use it as a vehicle for helping us change, think differently, feel better, and act more effectively.

Let's apply this to a situation in which a mother feels down on herself after her son comes home with a miserable report card. The first step is to bring into sharper focus the automatic thoughts triggered by this event. In this case: "I'm responsible for his not doing well in school. I'm a bad mother." The second step is to dispute the distortion, inaccuracies, excessive criticism and over generalization in this automatic thought, and counter-attack with a more rational, constructive statement. "Nonsense, I can only do so much in helping him, the rest is up to him. I'm not a bad mother. I try. Why punish myself whenever someone I love has a problem?"

An so we're off to a healthy debate going back and forth between these two inner voices. The old one, automatic and habitual, and the other, a new, less critical, problem solving voice.

One can get an even clearer perspective on these inner debates by writing them down using the two-column technique.

Automatic Thought (Self-Criticism)	Rational Response (Self-Defense)
1. I'm responsible for...I'm a bad mother.	1. Nonsense, I can only...Why punish myself.
2. Yes, but you knew he had a hard time with math...	2. You're taking way too much responsibility...
3. If you don't do something, he's going to...	3. Calm down, don't jump to conclusions...

This kind of self-talk or inner dialogue is the basis of an exciting form of therapy called cognitive therapy. It's been found especially effective in treating depression. For those of you who would like to learn more about cognitive therapy and its application to depression I would recommend the book Feeling Good by David Burns, M.D.

So now that you know that self-talk is not crazy and is even therapeutic, begin playing around with it. Bring the debate into sharper focus and follow it out until the best side wins or the issue is resolved or seen in a new light. A little tip here: many people have reported that talking to themselves out loud in the privacy of their car is especially effective. But a note of caution if you try this: wear your seat belt, never do it in rush-hour traffic and be prepared to get carried away to some place other than your destination.